The spooky cemtary

The barmaids are easy and the NPCs give quests. Anything can happen... as long as it's funny. Beware of gazebo.
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The spooky cemtary

Post by Lachesis » Sat May 03, 2008 11:09 pm

Upon entering the cemetary you see a single woman in a black cloak. Upon hearing your approach she turns to you.

"Are you here for the job? I hope you guys aren't a bunch of narks like the last group..." You notice she glances to some spot away to your left when she mentions "the last group".
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by shai-hulud » Sun May 04, 2008 6:09 pm

Aubrey extends a tentacle to shake her hand, saying, I don't like narking in cemeteries. It is too spooky. When I nark, I like it to be romantic. Like in the back seat of a Chevy carriage.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by MonkeyAlpha » Tue May 06, 2008 2:35 pm

Please make your request, so that we may begin. There is much good to be done and much wealth to be distributed and not enough time. If you require our assistance please give the details to the wise wizard Moriss the Grayt. The hour is late... With that Squirrely yawns, stops paying attention and wanders around looking at gravestones until someone gets his attention.
Last edited by MonkeyAlpha on Tue May 06, 2008 2:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by klakxor » Tue May 06, 2008 2:39 pm

Last group? You mean we are too late. Damn, that sucks. Well marvin, at least you can visit some of your kind here.

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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by TheGreenLabrador » Tue May 06, 2008 5:54 pm

Yes... yes... please forward to me all information regarding price negotiation...
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by Lachesis » Thu May 08, 2008 12:18 am

"Well you see I'm working on... building a little something and to do that I need a lot of fat. Humanoid fat actually... preferably fairly fresh. How about how about 200gp for each person over 250 lbs and an additional 2gp for each lb beyond the first 250. So for a 262lb man I'd give 224gp. I don't care how you acquire the freshly dead fatties. Sound reasonable?"
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by shai-hulud » Thu May 08, 2008 12:26 am

Aubrey takes out 242gp and jingles them around. 242gp doesn't sound reasonable at all. It sounds like jingle, jingle, jingle.
OUT OF CHARACTER
I know, I know, worst movie reference EVER

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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by klakxor » Thu May 08, 2008 8:30 am

Jackie gives a queer look at Aubrey. Careful or else Felix might think you are calling him for dinner

Looking around at the group, Anyone know where to get some fattys? I mean, I know this one place in town that caters to that kind of fetish, not that I have ever been there or anything.

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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by Lachesis » Sun May 11, 2008 10:45 pm

OUT OF CHARACTER
Just waiting for a response from Catalyst... Can a DM even be out of character?

 

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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by MonkeyAlpha » Tue May 13, 2008 3:48 pm

OUT OF CHARACTER
Just because you *are* a character doesn't mean you have character... (my own movie reference)
and since you *are* a character you could theoretically be out of character.

 

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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by MonkeyAlpha » Tue May 13, 2008 3:53 pm

Is there a white castle around here, I've always seen fatties going in and out of white castles... or we could visit the burger King, his court is FULL of the morbidly obese! This is just the kind of job we need to take in this country, helping people lose weight! Did you know that 70-80% of children in this country with diabetes have type II (aquired)?? That falls under child abuse if you ask me, and since I'm an authority of sorts... everyone should be asking me! So hop to it, start asking.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by klakxor » Tue May 13, 2008 4:06 pm

Alright then. If your an expert, what is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by shai-hulud » Tue May 13, 2008 5:19 pm

Aubrey says, I spit, not swallow. But I can't eat any of the stuff in that place, unless we have a few minutes for me to stop in the bathroom afterwards.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by patransom » Tue May 13, 2008 10:40 pm

Marvin groans at the bad puns, muttering, I hope she makes something particularly deadly out of all the fat and uses it to put me out of my misery.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by MonkeyAlpha » Tue May 13, 2008 11:59 pm

Thayan Swallow or Nethrese Swallow?
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by Catalyst » Wed May 14, 2008 10:14 pm

Out from behind a mosoleum comes a 6' tall, emaciated man with dreadlocks. He wears a pair of ragged jeans, a worn leather jacket (it's +1!) adorned with all sorts of patches and insignias and skulls and names such as "Motorhead", "The Misfits" (with matching skull!), "AC-lightingbolt-DC", "The Ramones" (which makes you wonder who, in this world, would name all their children Ramone, and more so, how could there be enough out there to comprise a group with said name?), and other such obsucre things, and the meanest, nastiest pair of boots you may have seen... Then again, maybe not. On his back is slung the most bad-assed lute you will ever see. It looks a lot like a single-bladed battleaxe... With 6 strings.

His flesh is rotting in some spots, not so much in others. Thankfully, his face remains (mostly) instact. His eyes are a deep, glowing kind of red that doesn't actually glow, but if it could, it would. He wears a goatee and a pair of darkened glasses.

He wears fingerless gloves, various bracers and other such things wraps around his wrist, and about a foot and a half worth of chain hanging from his studded-leather belt to his back pocket.

Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, cocks, and gorillas. His voice is gravelly, or gravely, or both.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by patransom » Thu May 15, 2008 2:25 pm

Marvin mutters, Hotblack Desiato? No, it couldn't be... at least I hope not.

He comments further, Great. I anticipate some of that loud music all the kids are listening to these days... my head hurts already.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by klakxor » Thu May 15, 2008 2:36 pm

Marvin, it looks like your cousin is here to help us on our fat hunt.

Turning to the newcomer

You look like you could really draw in the ladies with a show. Do you have any large groupies we could give this fine young lady?

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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by shai-hulud » Thu May 15, 2008 4:41 pm

Aubrey says, I don't talk to fatties. They are contagious, you know.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by Catalyst » Thu May 15, 2008 6:16 pm

Are you kidding me? I've got a ton of fat groupies... all begging to be eaten. He shudders as much as a walking corpse can shutter, but I don't eat meat.


Though, f****** a-right I could find a fat groupie or ten floating around... Just got to get a g**d***** show going.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by Catalyst » Tue May 20, 2008 5:08 pm

Looks up a the DM. Anyone else notice the lack of activity?
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Re: The spooky cemetery

Post by MonkeyAlpha » Wed May 21, 2008 8:33 am

I thought everyone was being quite quiet because this is a cemetery, out of uh, you know... the word I'm looking for... dammit, I don't ever... RESPECT!! Squirrelly seems overly proud of himself, but hey he's a freakin' stuffed shirt paladin, with GW Bush-esque sociopathy/megalomania.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by patransom » Wed May 21, 2008 10:43 am

Marvin snorts, Respect? From this group? Highly unlikely.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by klakxor » Wed May 21, 2008 10:48 am

Jackie starts singing Aretha Franklin songs

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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by MonkeyAlpha » Tue May 27, 2008 11:10 pm

Alright, enough is enough. We need to find some fatties and take 'em down. *Walk this way!* and he puts his knuckles to the ground and makes his way out of the cemetary, singing as he goes.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by klakxor » Tue May 27, 2008 11:21 pm

Jackie looks at at Squirelly move and shrugs his shoulders. He puts his knuckles down to the ground and starts leaving the cemetary just like Squirelly

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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by klakxor » Thu Jun 05, 2008 1:16 pm

Come on guys, I bet we can get a bunch of fatties before the DM gets back

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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by shai-hulud » Thu Jun 05, 2008 6:31 pm

Aubrey starts off on the adventure and is immediately captured by a tribe of F Rat Boys. They offer her large amounts of alcohol, which she is only too flattered to accept. They then have their way with her and never call. She is too dumb to remember.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by patransom » Thu Jun 05, 2008 6:49 pm

Martin hums, Big bottoms, my girls got 'em... then sighs and floats face down inches from the dirt of the graveyard.
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Re: The spooky cemtary

Post by MonkeyAlpha » Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:08 pm

Everyone notices that Squirrelly has been gone for a while...

but he suddenly shows up leading a small parade of men in identical blue trousers and matching button down shirts that read "Dickies" on the tags. They're unshaven and carrying steel boxes with handles.

Here you go boys there are your union reps! All of the men are morbidly obese and smell disgusting... when they see Aubrey they start making lewd comments about her various orifices and how to best use them. They ignore Marvin completely...
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